English, the language of shopping and T-shirts.

It's kind of funny in a smirky sort of way (as opposed to a laugh-out-loud sort of way) where and how you'll see English words used in Italy. One local merchant's circulars (pubblicita') curiously use the phrase 'low cost' in English as part of its slogan, with the rest in Italian. And a large sign at a shopping center entrance near us proudly states "tutto il tuo shopping!". Could it be that Italian doesn't have an equivalent word to 'shopping' as a verb, or is it more along the lines of not having a word to describe the recreational purchasing of items as an end unto itself? Or, could it be that it's more trendy to say 'shopping' to evoke the American practice of purchasing for purchasing's sake in a hope to encourage that same practice in the local population? Sounds like a great pseudo-intellectual post-drinking conversational topic, doesn't it?

Speaking of drinking, it seems that partaking in some might assist in attempting to discern any meaning in many T-shirts worn by Italians around here. Large typeface is preferred, I suppose to try for maximum impact, sort of like Orson Welles' famous line in "Citizen Kane" , "if the headline is big enough it makes the news big enough". For some real-world examples we've recently seen, picture the following in large letters, one word per line, reading from top to bottom:

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW"
"THIN REGULAR LARGE"
"I AM A NOUN"
"FUN BEACH" (you'd think there would be a picture with this one, of the 'actual' mythical place, but no.)

Another type of T-shirt you'll see is the kind that is slathered with all sorts of American place names with superlatives mixed in, like "Brooklyn New York City Best Athletic Professional" or something like that. I suppose it's sort of like an American builder when they bulldoze an old farm and divide it up into lots and build spec houses and name it something like "Adjective Adjective Nouns", maybe "Springy Leafy Acres" or some such (although they should respectfully name it after the family history they just obliterated from the earth, but I digress).

I suppose it could be a purposely half-hearted and self-deprecating attempt to make the clothing appear to have style street-cred. For instance, LeAnn recently brought me home a very comfy burgundy wool-acrylic blend sweater with that type of treatment on the front. In ivory sewn-on block letters like an old varsity jacket it says "VINTAGE WEAR" and in between the top word "vintage" and the bottom word "wear" is a large ivory patch stating in black print:
EUROPEAN ART GALLERY
5, MAIN STREET
EASTHAMPTON

What does it all mean? Who knows. We probably shouldn't give it too much serious thought, for as Sherlock Holmes remarked to Dr Watson in one story, "to run the brain on too little information is like racing an engine, it cracks itself to pieces". I certainly wouldn't wish that fate on any of your brains! Certainly not for a stupid T-shirt.

I will be interested, though, on wearing my sweater on my next road trip down the autostrada and seeing if it makes me look sufficiently un-touristy to the cashier at the autogrill. I'll know by ordering un caffe' and NOT being asked any followup questions like "espresso?", or "caffe' americano?", which are two examples of the coffee-ordering equivalent of a Microsoft Windows confirmation dialog box asking me "Are You Sure?".

Yes I'm sure. Give me my coffee. And tell me where'd you get that cool T-shirt? Allora, andiamo shopping!